Half Past Dead

I sleep heavy, so heavy you’d think I am half past dead.

I got myself a lousy alarm, it comes with all sorts of sounds, from high-pitched shrills to grating sounds and ferocious dog barks amid car honks…pretty awful blares.

I read some great reviews which prodded me to buy the lousy alarm, was so convinced it’d work for me.

So far, it’s done nothing for me…

I still wake up late, the custom shrills, jangle, and dog barks got nothing on me, if anything, they are like cradle songs; luring me to an even deeper drowse.

As they say… a man who doesn’t keep to his alarm is unbothered and less organized, and there’s a big likelihood he’d fail in life.

So, I decided to do something about waking up late.

Mom to the rescue

Ma is the typical African Mom:

She passes every message across with outbursts – she is sweet but boisterous; she isn’t one to dial her voice down when trying to pass a point or message across.

I instructively told her to blurt a threat and have it on record.

Here are the “alarming” words as expressed in Yoruba; they are quite alarming – alarming enough to get me out of bed.

“Ole, ma sun bi elede igbo to loyun, oje dide kinto laju mi”

For you lot who don’t do or speak Yoruba, this is what she meant…

“Lazy one quit sleeping like a pregnant boar, you had better wake up before I….”

I programmed the threat into my alarm clock, and every morning her riveting voice wakes me up.